then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
