Your tits are I can't wait for
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
this just has baby written all over it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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