There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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