shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
