bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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