So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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