i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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