i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
