The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
