oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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