About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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