And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
