u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
