I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i will never coherently bang her
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
