He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
