Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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