Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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