Your face is a jimmy john
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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