You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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