My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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