1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
