You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
420 ftw
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
