We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
