Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
