Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
