reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
