he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
