dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
