Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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