The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
