At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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