Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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