no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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