I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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