i always forget guys have bellybuttons
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
