She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
