i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
only you would photoshop your dick
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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