Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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