my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
