Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Randomize
