I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
