I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Randomize
