i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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