tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
