dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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