I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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