i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
