I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
