when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
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I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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