I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
