I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
this just has baby written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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