So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
