At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And then he peed in my hair
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