just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
