Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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