i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
