Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
