my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
