is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
