I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
