I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
