Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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