My girlfriend figured out who you are.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
