Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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