My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
