four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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