She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
