i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
