ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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