He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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