grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
