i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
